I really do not like how things are going in my life right now. Things were great two years ago. I just started my sophomore year of college and I met the greatest person ever. We hit it off very quickly. Our first year was very good together. Then I had to leave for some military training for eight months. We kept in contact while I was away and greeted her cheerfully when she came to pick me up from the airport when I returned. I guess over the summer things just got worse. I was diagnosed as Bipolar, got that treated, thought things were good.
I would have to assume that it is true what people say, sex really does complicate things in a relationship. I guess as you get further into a relationship you show all of your bad habits and behaviors to the other person. Then yesterday we fought over the culmination of seven months worth of fighting and bad habits and it was over, the engagement, the relationship, everything.
She needs her space and I need to give it to her to get things to work out between us. At least she wants to stay with me and work things out, that's a plus. I have a lot that needs to be changed in my behavior patterns, and I am sensible enough to change those, not change myself, just how I behave in certain situations. One's character is not the culmination of his behaviors and actions, but the ability to take responsibility for those behaviors and actions, and if need be change them so further harm can be avoided. I'm not sure the root of one of the biggest problems, my need to analyze everything. Everything from problems to people. This has gotten me into a lot of trouble. Every time I delve deeper into a perceived hidden meaning in something she says I push her further and further away from me. The more I nag and ask "why?" at her every decision the more she thinks of me as a helpless four year old child. The more I pressure her for sexual activity the less she even wants to kiss me. Things will stop, and they will fucking stop right now. The only thing I am sure about myself is that I never give up, never back down, and never sway from what I want. What I want is to be with her. We want to work things out and we will be the happiest married couple with cats ever. However, I digress.